What experts say about media impact on parenting. Part II

 Shaming your kids on social media can be psychologically harmful, parenting experts say.

Charles Helwig, a professor of developmental psychology at the University of Toronto, said research has shown that using “psychological control” as a means of trying to improve behaviour is associated with an increased incidence of depression and anxiety in children. But “when you put it on social media, it’s essentially permanent, so it’s something that can come back to haunt the children throughout their lives. Publicizing it in this way is something that can’t be taken back.

“So it adds to the potential embarrassment and harm.”

Children as young as 5 start caring about their reputations, according to a research review published in March in Trends in Cognitive Sciences journal. In the article, researchers note kids will change their behaviour based on how they believe it will affect their image. Schafer said that if a child feels guilty about something they’ve been admonished about, they don’t differentiate between the behaviour and themselves as a person. As a result, children tend to feel they are unlovable, and that can become integrated into their self-concept, said the author of the book Honey, I Wrecked the Kids. “They look to their parents to know their lovability and their worth. And when they’re shamed, it says ‘I am bad.’ ”In family counselling, Schafer said, the goal is to try to separate “the deed from the doer.” Parents are encouraged to say, for instance, “I love you, but I don’t love your hitting” or “I love you, but I don’t like how you’re treating the bus driver.” A more constructive way of dealing with a child’s transgressions is for parents to have a discussion about the motivating factors, she said: “What was the child attempting in being rude? Was he trying to impress his friends? Does he need to prove to the world that he needs to be superior to other people? “So we have to find out what the psychological underpinnings are of the child’s motivations and help him understand and give him the skill sets to find his sense of importance and belonging through constructive means.”

Sources:

https://www.thestar.com/life/2018/04/02/shaming-your-kids-on-social-media-can-be-psychologically-harmful-parenting-experts-say.html